Single Mom Dating – 5 Tips From an Expert That Can Make It A Reality
By Tomika Anderson
Tomika is a certified life coach and professional single-mom expert. Tomika is the founder of Motivated Mamas, a mastermind and coaching business dedicated to the success of single parent families. Single mom dating is an area many single moms are looking for help on. Tomika is a graduate of The Coach Training Academy.
Dating when you’re a busy, single mom can be a satisfying yet psychologically and logistically dizzying adventure. For starters, when the heck do you find the time—or the energy?After the soccer game, kiddie birthday party, grocery shopping, and housecleaning on a Saturday? Zzz.
Then the question becomes where do you find this great guy: one who could potentially love you, adore your kids and work with your crazy schedule? Sniffing the salmon at Whole Foods? Pumping the gas at 7-11? Tinder?
A reliable, affordable babysitter can also be an ongoing obstacle, as can continually psyching yourself up for the little black dress and heels when Weight Watchers and workouts have taken a backseat.
And then there’s the typical mom guilt and fear: What will the kids think? Will they be mad at me for cutting out on them every Saturday night? What happens if I find someone and things get serious? Where will we ever have sex?! These are just a few of the issues with single mom dating.
5 Tips on Single Mom Dating
Fortunately, says certified life coach and single mom expert Tomika Anderson of Motivated Mamas, just taking a deep breath and then putting a few logistical things in place can help set any single mom’s dating life on fire (in a good way!). Having done it successfully herself for years, as well as guided clients through the process, she’s sharing a few tricks of the single mama dating trade.
- Establish a sitting swap. Are you cool with the other moms at daycare? Do your kids already play ball with the kids down the street? Well then get to know their parents. “Not only do your kids stand to make some incredible new friends, you stand to potentially expand your village,” says Anderson. “And if it’s one thing I know about good “village” friends is that they’re generally good for the occasional play babysitting swap or a sleepover, wink wink.
- Designate some dating dough. If you want to show up looking and feeling your best, you’ll want to set a little money aside for the occasional new dress, some coins to get the hair and nails done and a sitter if your “village” falls through. Gotta pay to play, ladies. But how? Well, have you taken a look at your budget lately to see where there’s wiggle room? Is there an actual budget? Have you considered what it would cost (and whether you’ve got the skills) to do your own mani-pedi? Have you asked around to see if there’s a teenage babysitter in your neighborhood who only charges like, $8/hr? There’s a hack for darn near anything, says Anderson, and dating is no exception.
- Put some yellow tape around your Friday or Saturday night. Moms, if we’re not careful we’ll work 7 days a week between the office and home. “In the words of the great California Congresswoman Maxine Waters, I am all about ‘reclaiming my time,’” says Anderson, “and so should you.” Maybe this means tackling the laundry on a weekday, she says. Maybe it means pressing send on a Fresh Direct order instead of running to Wegmans. Whatever you’ve gotta do, make Friday or Saturday night (or whichever time!) YOUR time. And if you can, try and take a nap before you go out so you don’t find yourself yawning through the Crème Brûlée!
- Keep it real (casual) with the kids. There are different schools of thought on whether (and/or how much) the kids should know about your dating life. My thoughts? “Keep it light, casual and, of course, age-appropriate, says Anderson. “’Mommy’s going out to dinner’ is honest and harmless. Don’t overthink it,” she says. “You’ll know when it’s necessary to say more, and what exactly, depending on how a new relationship progresses and how you see that new guy fitting into your life.”
- If you haven’t done it already, give online dating a chance. “I know, I know—there are some terrible guys out there, wasting a lot of people’s time. But there are also some pretty awesome ones. I mean, at this point who doesn’t know someone who met their significant other online?” says Anderson. So how do you snag your very own digital prince charming? “For starters, she says, “bait him with an array of classy profile pics that catch you on your best side. And by way of dating 'resume,' “I’ve found it’s easiest to catch the attention of the gentlemen I’m most interested in dating by being honest and upfront about what I’m looking for,” she explains, “a good guy who I can have fun with, who will treat me right and that loves kids.” Plain and simple. You’d be surprised by how many men are looking for the very same thing.
Bottom line, Single Mom Dating is possible and YES you can do it!
An award-winning content creator and communications strategy consultant, Tomika has contributed to such U.S. and international outlets as Entertainment Weekly, The Associated Press, Time Out New York, Essence, The Root.com, National Journal, Ebony, Black Enterprise, People, New York, MTV, BET, The CW Network, Fuse, FOX News and CNN.com, and worked with celebrities ranging from Beyonce to Michelle Obama to Serena Williams. Her passion as a single-mom expert and coach is to help other moms traverse through the challenges for a happy successful life.