Coaching Emotional Intelligence: Is it for you?

Before I answer this question, is Coaching Emotional Intelligence for you, let me tell you a bit of my personal story. I will never forget my first Emotional Intelligence coaching session and that first question my coach asked me. The intensity of the question was like a shock to my system.

“Who are you without your intelligence?”

The silence in my head had me frozen as I searched for an answer in the one place I would never find it. In my head.

Why couldn’t I answer it? I am a woman with a high IQ. An intelligent woman possessing several prominent degrees and certifications. However, in this situation, my IQ was failing me miserably.

I stared at my coach blankly. Surely, I could come up with something intelligent or at least something that would “make him like me or admire me”? However after a long silence, he just asked the question again, “Who are you, without your intelligence?” At that moment, I felt a shift as if something inside of me cracked open. Then I saw it, plain as day, “the lie.”

What was that lie?

Growing up, I learned feelings and emotions were for the ‘weak’ and a brain was ‘more’ valuable. My brain supposedly had the answer to ‘everything’ I wanted and ‘everything’ I represented as a person.

Now as years went by, the lie became more ingrained in me. I believed there was something wrong with me; I was not good enough. I believed I did not matter, and only existed to become what I thought other people wanted me to be.

The lie we are told is that the head answers for our heart. That’s not true. Our heart answers for our heart.

This is one of the foundational principles of Coaching Emotional Intelligence. We are not beings of pure intellect and thought. We are also not beings of pure emotion. To function at our best, we want and need emotional intelligence.

So how do we gain this emotional intelligence and let our heart speak for itself?

Step One – Emotional Awareness

The Emotional Intelligence coaching process starts with awareness. This understanding was brought on from my session with my brilliant Emotional Intelligence coach where I realized that who I am was buried under the feelings and emotions I had shut down as a kid to ‘fit in’ and survive.

Step Two – Experiencing or Noticing

Consistent check-ins with your feelings. What are you feeling right now? Where are those feelings located? What are your thoughts about those feelings? What are your beliefs about those feelings? Is it ok and safe to feel those feelings?

Step Three - Curiosity

Like a child exploring some new experience, strive to be curious about yourself, others, your likes, dislikes, and reactions. If you are like I used to be, craving the approval of others, start by acknowledging those feelings and become curious about them. Can you allow yourself just to be aware and curious? Understand, I am not saying, change it or adjust, just remain curious. Almost as if you are observing another person.

These are the three initial steps of Coaching Emotional Intelligence. While I admit they may sound easy, they are for most of us a challenge. We all have a strong tendency to resist change. This is especially true with emotions where we can feel locked in and we have limited options.

What I can say to you is that change is very possible. It can take a bit of time but with perseverance, mindfulness, and an attitude of openness and curiosity, you can have more in your life.

The question many have and where we started was “Is Emotional Intelligence Coaching for you?” We rarely achieve our goals without the aid of others. I will leave it to you to answer this question yourself.

All the best, Anne